In 2018, Ardean Friesen asked his church to begin the process of discerning whether the congregation would become open and affirming. The two-year inclusion process let him know that he has a seat at the table.
Ardean Friesen lives in Goshen, Indiana, with his dog, Millie. He is a graduate of Hesston College and Goshen College and has held an active nursing license for 41 years. He is a member of Silverwood Mennonite Church, where he serves on the church board and is chair of the worship commission.
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In October 2018, I began my journey for inclusion at Silverwood Mennonite Church. At that time, I met with the church board and asked them to go through a process of discernment concerning becoming an open and welcoming church. I was at a stage in my life in which I needed to know if I belonged at the same table as everyone else in the congregation. My hope was to be able to at least sit at the same table, but as I have learned, I needed to know if I belonged there, as well.
It was a way for me to come out to the church.
Everyone knew me as Ardean, but would they still love and accept me as Ardean, who happens to be gay? Would this change relationships? How would people respond?
While the process was frightening, Jeremy Shue, who served as one of Silverwood’s pastors at the time, helped walk with me through the journey and was a strong support for me. It was a new process for the church and, obviously, for me, as well, so the outcome was far from certain.
The process was carefully thought out by the pastors and board members. It was not an easy process, but it was deliberate. I am grateful to the church for agreeing to do this, knowing it would cause anxiety and stress. As part of the process, we heard from each pastor and where they stood on the issue. We had several roundtable discussion sessions, and we invited guest speakers to discuss different aspects of LGBTQ+ inclusion. I was also able to share my very personal story.
In the end, it was by consensus that a statement was agreed upon. We recognized that we do not all agree on everything, but by and large, the congregation was supportive and caring. I am grieved that some members are no longer willing to fellowship with us, but we have gained many more members, who are willing to walk together with us.
The final decision and statement was completed in January 2020, and shortly thereafter, COVID-19 caused us to close down our in–person worship. I believe the process was healthy, but I also feel that more processing may be helpful. I will be forever grateful to Silverwood Mennonite Church for walking with me in this journey.
I am very grateful for the leadership of Central District Conference and the open and affirming action they have taken. My prayer is that MC USA keeps marching forward in positive ways.
For those who are struggling, I understand the road is difficult, and I wish it wasn’t that way. I would strongly encourage you not to delay talking with a trusted adult. Approach the church with confidence, and always remember you are a beloved child of God! If I had to change anything it would have been to do this 30 years earlier. I lament the struggle the church has caused for the LGBTQ+ community in the past and pray for continued movement in the right direction.
The views and opinions expressed in this blog belong to the author and are not intended to represent the views of the MC USA Executive Board or staff.