Spiritual director Lester Lind reflects back on the beginning of his calling and career, as he prepares to retire.
Lester Lind lives with his wife, Mary Beth, on two acres in West Virginia. He attends Philippi (West Virginia) Mennonite Church and is bringing his career as spiritual director to a close. A paraphrase of Hosea 2:14 informs his spiritual practices:
“The wilderness will lead you to your heart, where I will speak.”
________________________________________
As I slowly say goodbye to my spiritual directees and move into retirement, I have much to reflect upon. During my working years, I developed a career as a half-time spiritual director and half-time farmer, being self-employed in both endeavors.
I began this work in the late 1980s, before spiritual direction became well known in Mennonite and Protestant circles. One huge concern was whether I would have enough directees, so that I could support myself. This was especially true since my home is in rural West Virginia, a place with a low population, as well as a religious mindset that does not value spiritual direction.
During the first half of my career, I frequently wrestled with a variety of questions. Some were practical and physical in nature: Would I have enough directees? Where would my office be? How do I ensure that I am authentic, since I am self-employed and do not have a retreat center or other organization to give me credibility?
There were also more subtle questions rising within me: Is this work of spiritual direction truly my calling? Can I trust the “energy” that I notice as I do this work?
It turns out that these subtle questions were in fact the important ones. But oh, how difficult it is to stay focused on the subtle questions! After all, isn’t a career primarily about being employed and making enough money to pay the bills? So for this, I did need office space and directees! I lived with a nagging anxiety that I would not be successful.
I struggled with these questions frequently enough that a pattern and an image emerged. My anxiety would bring me to God’s “office.” Occasionally, God would be at a desk, but more often Good would be standing at the window, looking out, with hands on hips and back toward me, listening to my concerns, questions and anxieties. God would turn, not quite facing me, and raise three gentle questions:
Can you trust me?
Can you trust yourself?
Can you stay focused on what is truly important?
In those moments, I would sense deep love and a feeling of security. These feelings would draw me back to the important subtle questions:
How am I tending my soul, my heart?
How am I noticing and holding the “energy”?
How am I honoring the “call”?
As I paid attention to these questions, the anxiety would lessen. And upon leaving God’s “office,” a phrase from “Field of Dreams” began to emerge for me: “If you build it, they will come.”
Slowly, I began to trust the importance of these subtle questions. My task in building my spiritual direction practice was not the office space, nor the question of having enough directees. My task was the work of my heart. The most important aspect of this career was my own inner work. Developing and maintaining spiritual practices was essential. Finding and listening to the silence deep within me was crucial. Letting go of my desire to “perform” well, to be “successful,” was not easy.
I have a deep sense that God smiled a lot as I discovered my way, my career. Not always, but frequently, within a week of me leaving God’s “office,” I would receive a call, sometimes from total strangers, wondering if they could come “talk” to me. This happened regularly enough that I even began smiling with God when it occurred.
Learn more about the Mennonite Spiritual Directors Network at mennosdn.org.
You can find links to the Spiritual Directors Network website and other congregational and ministerial resources on MC USA’s Church Vitality webpage: https://www.mennoniteusa.org/
The views and opinions expressed in this blog belong to the author and are not intended to represent the views of the MC USA Executive Board or staff.
Interested in submitting a blog for Menno Snapshots? Please see our blog guidelines here.